Your Truck Is Unnecessary

Your Truck Is Unnecessary

Ever since I was a teenager, I wanted to own a pickup truck. When I was old enough to buy one, that’s what I did. Since then I’ve owned several. Pickup trucks are great. You can haul stuff, they’re reliable, and they give the driver a certain confidence that you just can’t get in a Dodge Neon.

Sometime in the last decade or so, however, things got out of hand. It’s as if someone concocted a toxic elixir of Red Bull and Stanozolol and slipped it into the assembly line. Trucks have become enormous. They’re not just powerful and imposing — those vehicles have been with us for generations, and for good reasons. But in the present day, most of the pickup trucks on the road emulate all the grace and personality of a front loader or a dump truck. Loud. Brutish. Odorous. Intimidating. And most of all, unnecessary.

I understand: There are those people who live up a canyon in the Rockies that’s not passable by any sane individual eight months of the year. Trust me — I used to be one of those people. To traverse the cravasses and boulders and wild waterways up there you want a vehicle that can conquer Mt. Everest. (Although my friend’s VW bug did just fine.) The truth is that the vast majority of today’s truck owners never encounter these challenges. Instead, their vehicles occupy entire cul-de-sacs, or squat in two and half spaces in the parking lot, or rumble by in the adjacent lane, blotting out the sun.

Most annoying are the trucks that have been repurposed as rolling political juggernauts. Expressing your opinion is fine, but not when its coming up behind me at 90 miles an hour, belching black smoke, or flying several large flags that obscure every sign and signal on the highway. When your vehicle conveys a sense of imminent danger and impending doom, the political message becomes unconvincing.

So please — let’s return to sanity. Think twice before you go for that truck that requires a ladder to get up to the driver’s seat. There might be better ways to get around your town.

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